Into the Darkness
by No Sweeter Song
Summary: The events of Half Blood Prince still haunt Remus. So much so that he can't imagine going on with his life as it is, and does the unthinkable. Deathly Hallows canon spoilers, etc.


Rated as it is for rather disturbing imagery.

Massive Deathly Hallows spoilers. It IS to Deathly Hallows canon. Takes place after the unspeakable event that we Remus/Tonks shippers prefer to forget happened. ...not that one. The other one.

* * *

They were circling. Lips pulled back, teeth bared. There was no way to intercept the circle that had begun, either. He knew that, though it killed him to watch. The little boy who stood in the middle was sobbing, huge tears sliding rapidly down his cheeks. He was yelling something, something that the human might have understood, but the wolf could not make out. It didn't matter. The sentiment was obvious. He was pleading for his family. For his mother. For his own life.

There was nothing that could be done. If he interefered, they'd both lose their lives. His cover would be blown. They'd find her, kill her for his betrayal. But he couldn't participate in this slaughter. The part of him that remained a man wouldn't allow it. If only he he could distract them somehow. Pull them back, give the child a chance to run. If he'd have the courage to, after being cornered so horribly.

He perked his ears, widened his eyes, and gave his own snarl in the opposite direction. A few of the others did turn. They did take off in the direction they'd been alerted to. Something he could write off as a simple mistake later the next day. But he hadn't deterred them all.

The most menacing, the largest and oldest of them, still stood, looking the child in the eyes. He licked his lips, and those who could read him would recognise the violent smile he wore. Even if the child did try to run, he'd never make it out alive. His eyes were wide with terror, as if he knew any move he made was going to be his last.

And then those eyes changed. They weren't the eyes of the little Montgomery boy, lured so easily into the forest. They were Dora's eyes, as he'd last seen her, large and hazel with long lashes and perfectly arched eyebrows. He opened his mouth to cry, but it wasn't the sound of a horrified child but of a tiny baby. And he heard it distinctly this time. The words the boy yelled. They pierced the barrier of the wolf's mind: Daddy. No. Help.

Remus sat up, gasping for air. It was a dream. A terrible dream, but one not so far separated from reality. He'd been in that forest, not that long before. Less than a year, watching helplessly as the Montgomery's only son was taken and torn apart as he screamed for help. And he was less of a human because he'd not been able to stop it.

A part of him was still in that forest, and he jumped and made a grab for the bedside table where his wand sat until he felt a small hand fold over his shoulder. "Love?" a voice murmured, and Remus swallowed back the panic he'd felt at the initial touch. His arm drifted carefully back to his side as he released a sigh. The sweat still pooled on his chest and forehead, and he pulled his knees up, attempting to breathe again.

At first he ignored the woman at his side. He couldn't speak. Not coherently, and possibly not at all. She'd never understand what he'd just seen. Or had seen months before. Or what he was. To her credit, Tonks was patient, watching him, sliding a bit closer but leaving him alone.

But Remus still couldn't shake the fear that gripped him. Yes, it was just a dream, but it wasn't all that different from the reality he'd faced. And, in the life he'd lived only months before, the boy really was dead, no matter who it actually was. Whether it was the Montgomery's son or his own, it was a child who'd never grow up. And he couldn't let that child ever be his own.

He pulled himself from the bed and got to his feet, reaching for the dresser. "What are you doing?" he heard the same soft voice ask from behind him. It sounded a bit less worried and a bit more hesitant, but it still hadn't quite broken through the fog.

"Leaving." No other answer had even occurred to him. He had to get out of there.

But it wasn't that simple. "Leaving?" Tonks asked, the drowsy tone slowly fading, being replaced with surprise. "Leaving where? What _are _you doing?"

Remus didn't even make eye contact as he answered. The look in her eyes might make him stay. And he couldn't stay. His son wouldn't live in fear of his father. Not his child. "I don't know yet," he replied in a rushed tone. He was only taking the essentials. Socks, pants, a couple of the warmer jumpers on instinct. Despite the summer only just having ended, he was consistently cold. "But I can't stay here." Maybe Sirius' old house. If he could stand the memories. Somewhere. Anywhere but the place where they could find her if they followed him. He knew the news was out. The wizarding world knew they'd married. It would only be a matter of time before her pregnancy was discovered. And if the wizards knew, the pack could find out, too.

He couldn't put her in that kind of danger. Her or their baby.

"You've got to be kidding me." Tonks sounded wide awake then. Wide awake and angry. The same anger she'd expressed when he'd left her before. When he'd walked out of Kings Cross station with his back turned to her, having every intention of joining with the pack. "You're leaving. Just like that? I'm _pregnant_, Remus, or have you forgotten?"

"No, I haven't forgotten!" Whirling around to face her, his eyes darkened a blazing gold. "Of course I haven't forgotten, Dora, I'm not bloody stupid. I know you're pregnant. And I know what's in your future if I stay here."

The look she shot him was completely condescending. "Married life with the man I love?" she shot back sarcastically. "Raising a child with him, maybe starting a whole family? You're right, sounds awful, shame on me for wanting it so badly."

Remus paused, biting his lower lip to the point of pain. "I never should have allowed this," he murmured, almost inaudible in the small room. "We never should have married. You shouldn't even _be_ pregnant, not with my baby."

He had to turn away, because the hurt that radiated across her face was painful to even look at. "Well it's a bit too late to be changing your mind about it now, isn't it?" she scoffed. Though she was attempting to sound angry, he couldn't miss how she pulled the blankets more tightly around herself.

Remus didn't even stop this time as he pulled down his old, worn traveling bag from the top of the closet. "No," he replied with a shake of his head. "No, it isn't. Waiting till the two of you are dead? Then it's too late."

Her sharp intake of breath was unmistakable, even as he began throwing random belongings into the bag. "We're not going to die, you tosser, now get back to bed, this is ridiculous."

A part of him wanted to believe her. So desperately. He wanted to drop the bag on the floor, climb back between the warmth of the sheets, and take her into his arms. He wanted to fall asleep as he had every night since their impromptu wedding, with her taking up too much of the bed and her hair tickling the space beneath his chin.

But his heart was still racing. It still hurt to breathe. And the horrified eyes of the little Montgomery boy made him sick to his stomach. Especially when he considered how easily it could be his own son or daughter. Greyback wanted revenge for his deserting them. He'd have to be stupid not to know which side Remus was on that night at Hogwarts. The curses weren't fired in the 'proper' direction. And, though his ideals were less than pleasant, Fenrir Greyback was not stupid.

"Go," he said quickly. "You and the baby... You'll be safer this way. Don't... You've got to trust me."

"Trust you?" Tonks yelped. "Trust you? You're walking out on our family before it's even properly begun and you expect me to trust you?"

Fine. He could accept that she was angry. He would have been too, had their situations been reversed. But she wasn't likely to get him killed. The same couldn't be said for him. He slung the bag over his shoulder and turned to meet her eyes. "No child should be cursed with...with someone like me for a father. I won't do this, Dora. I won't stay and put the two of you in danger this way."

"You can't _do_ this," Tonks snapped, her voice rising to a yell as she got to her feet. "This is foolish, Remus. We've been over this, there's nothing you can do that will hurt me. Nothing but this, that is."

Remus ignored her. For the first time, he ignored her as he turned and headed towards the door to their bedroom, and hurried as quickly as sleep-deprived legs would carry him. He knew it wouldn't be that easy. Already he heard the pounding of tiny feet behind him. "Oh, hell no," she called after him. "You're not this man. You're braver than this, I know you are."

Brave? Maybe he was. Maybe he was brave enough to fight off his own inner demons each night. Maybe he was brave enough to put an end to Greyback's reign over the werewolves, to win those defenseless in their own actions once a month back to their side. But if he wasn't, he'd be putting them all at risk. And he couldn't allow that.

He stopped by the door, his hand on the knob. He glanced over his shoulder, but didn't speak at first. Finally, he released a breath and shook his head. "Maybe I am. And maybe I'm not. But let me do this one thing. Raise our baby, Dora. Keep him safe. I can't."

"Remus,_ please_!" She pleaded, but he'd already stepped away from the wards on the front door. By the time she threw the door open to stop him, he'd gone.


End file.
